In college I had a mentor who used to periodically ask me, “Who is God for you in this season?“
Maybe I was seeing God as my Protector, or my Comforter, or my Father or my Friend.
The question would draw on me to lean into a characteristic of God that I could particularly rely on in that specific season of life.
This week I spent some time reading through a list I have of the various names of God and characteristics of God found in the Bible. The reason I did this is because my mentor’s classic question was rolling around in my head, and I was, honestly, having a hard time coming up with an answer other than “the One who isn’t giving me what I want.”
It’s an honest answer, to say the least, though not based in truth. And so I went back to square one, scanning the list to see if I could come up with an answer to the question:
Who is God for me in this season?
And I found one. It’s a name found in Genesis chapter 16. El-Roi meaning “The One who Sees me.”
I admit that in the past I have kinda skimmed over that name- not really taking it to heart. To me, it always felt a little obvious- like “well, of course God sees me. He sees everything, right?”
But in this season of waiting, this season of doctors appointments and medications and awkward procedures, this season of struggling to start a family- The God who Sees Me takes on a new meaning. And that’s because I finally see the significance of God seeing me during two very specific times in this season.
First, He sees me on the days that my heart is crying out to be seen. The days where I am wishing someone else could just catch a glimpse of what I’m going through. Those are the hard days when I am feeling alone and scared and hurt and sad and confused.
But that’s not the only time he sees me. He also sees me on those days when I don’t actually want to be seen. Those are the days that I am just trying to hold it all together, hide the pain, and blend into the crowd.
He sees me then, stands along side me then, and strengthens me then too. He calls unto me saying, “hey, you don’t have to pretend to be strong on your own. You can be strong in me. I see you there standing alone, come and stand with me.”
And the greatest part is that when God sees me- He actually sees me. He doesn’t look right through me, barely acknowledging my existence as if I was just an accessory in the room- but he actually sees who I am, what I am thinking and feeling. He sees my circumstance- and he sees my victory- and with a heavenly perspective that brings new hope and a new confidence and even a new joy in just being seen.