It was a messy topic on the blog yesterday, and I got some really thoughtful questions from some readers that I wanted to address right away, because I don’t want anyone to feel hurt or confused by any of my statements. Yesterday’s post was all about how I feel the Christian community sometimes brings shame to women who are believing for a baby by using the phrase “baby idol” (meaning that the baby has become TOO important to you as if it was a false god).
In that post I share about why I don’t like the phrase and what I believe the implications are, including a temptation to give up hope. I share what faith has looked like for me in my journey and I share my struggle to hold onto faith at times- I talk about things I’ve heard that have hurt my faith and stories that helped it grow.
In sharing my own journey and my own story of faith and what I am personally believing God for I did not mean to imply that believing for a biological child is the ONLY way to have faith for a family. Absolutely not. I am 110% supportive of the incredible variety of ways to bring children into the world and into a loving home.
As I mentioned before, Andrew and I pray before and after each cycle. We are constantly asking God if IVF still the method for growing our family that we should pursue. We take steps forward and we trust God to do the rest.
I know that many people come to many forks in the road in their journey to grow their family. They make really, really hard decisions that look different than the decisions I have made, and they make those decisions in faith. I AFFIRM their decisions.
Faith is a difficult topic. It really is. It’s something that God calls us to live by, but it’s not a magic recipe for success either. I don’t have all the answers about it, even though I wish I did.
The point of my last post was to dispel the shame I’ve seen for women who have a deep desire for a child and to encourage you in your faith for a family- wherever in the journey you are or wherever your path may be taking you.
If you feel called to adopt, then I want to stand with you in faith and encourage you not to give up hope when a match fails. If you feel called to surrogacy, egg, sperm, or embryo adoption then I want to stand in faith with you and believe for a beautiful pregnancy and healthy baby! If you feel called to try naturally, then please know I am in faith with you! I hope against all hope- even on days it feels like things could never work out. And if you’re feeling called to stop trying to grow your family, I have faith for you too. No matter where your path leads, I affirm you in your faith that God can and will fulfill your hearts deepest desires, even in ways that you never anticipated.
These are all such difficult topics to discuss because they are deep and complex and VERY personal. But I think it’s important to discuss them, even if we don’t do it perfectly. Shame has been an enemy of those of us fighting infertility a long time. I hope that these discussions help to alleviate shame, rather than perpetuate them.
If you still have questions about the post, PLEASE reach out to me. Let’s chat and learn from each other, let’s challenge each other to grow and encourage each other to flourish in this season.
HUGS and so much love to you, no matter where you are in this journey today.